Meet the Seven Sex Goddesses and discover how they can help you truly embody your sexuality and express yourself fully as a woman! 

The Goddesses represent fundamental psychic energies that you as a modern woman can draw on to awaken your sexual potential. 

You’ll meet the Lady, the Amazon, the Bawd, the Madonna, the Seductress, the Maestra and the Earth Gypsy - and come to feel the different female sexual expressions they represent. 

By drawing on their energetic expression, you can become more sexually confident and expressive and have more sexual desire and greater sexual response! 


This modern view on the Goddesses of Sex is the result of my pioneering, original research in female sexuality and it’s having major positive impacts on women (and their partners!) in my therapy practice, seminars and retreats.

Each Goddess is accompanied by a fictional, historical erotic story to convey the feeling of these energies in a way that is accessible for you as a modern-day woman.

Then through 24 illustrative erotic stories you'll also follow the experiences of three fictional modern women as they experience the energy of each Goddess in their lives.

I call it educational erotica - written to educate and inspire!

As far as I’m aware, no other book like this has ever been written.

Available in digital format only, exclusively through my website here.
 

Of course, anything can be fabulous! Double entry with gherkins stuffed up your nose could be fabulous - if it’s something you genuinely desire, it’s consensual and practiced safely.

As I constantly repeat: it’s not what you, do it’s how you do it.

If you ever think you ‘should’ do something sexual, whether it’s to be cool, or because your partner wants you to, or because you think it’s what everyone else does, but you don’t really want to - then don’t do it.

So, back to the topic of fisting. If you subject yourself unwillingly to fisting because you think you should, for any of the above or any other reason, then no, it won’t be fabulous, it will be awful and probably traumatic.

If, however, the thought of having your lover’s entire fist inside you gives you a shiver of erotic anticipation, even if that shiver is tinged with a touch of trepidation due to the unknown - well, give it a go. Assuming of course that your partner has an equal desire to put their entire fist inside you.

I’m going to refer to vaginal fisting here. Anal fisting is of course a possibility, in which case follow this general procedure but with a lot more lube.

Here’s how you do it:

• First, set the scene and set the rules, so to speak. The receiver needs to be relaxed and comfortable. You both need to agree that you’re proceeding at the receiver’s pace, and that she’ll let the partner know if she needs proceedings to slow down or stop.

• Then, she needs to be aroused. When a woman is aroused and relaxed her vagina will relax and open, so make sure there’s plenty of kissing and stroking all over and whatever kind of genital stimulation gets her relaxed and aroused.

• Fister: have plenty of lube on hand (that’s a pun!), even if you can get your fingers in chances are you’ll need it for the base of the hand. And most importantly, take your time. Go very very slowly. First one finger, then two, then three. Once they’re all in you can gently but firmly apply pressure to ease the hand in so that the little finger and most of the thumb is in. And then the widest part of the hand, around the base of the thumb will the hardest, but gently gently, applying steady pressure, or alternating pressure with release so there’s more of a slow pulse to enter, or twist your wrist and spiral your way in…and you’re in.

• Receiver: focus on breathing and relaxing your body, particularly your hips and pelvis, feeling that you are opening your body and inviting your partner in deeper and deeper.

• Or not, if it’s too much. You can stop at any time, and that’s perfectly fine.

• Fister, if you do make it in, and she’s enjoying the sensation, then you can waggle your fingers and move around a bit, explore, experiment - always focusing on her response and her enjoyment.

• And then slowly, slowly ease your way out.

• Then give her time to recover, as it’s a pretty intense experience. Check to see what she needs, a cuddle, her hand held, time to come back to normal, a cup of tea…

That’s fisting in a nutshell, and if that appeals and feels good when you do it, then fist away! For you fisting can indeed be fabulous.

And if doesn’t appeal, or you’ve tried it and it hasn’t done anything for you, then take it off the menu and do things that are fabulous for you.

A large proportion of the clients I see are dealing with affairs, and the majority of those are married women who have had an affair, are having an affair, are on the brink of succumbing to an affair or are flirting with the idea of having an affair.

So, it’s very common.

In my own clinical experience, these are some of the reasons women have affairs. These reasons don’t excuse the affair, and many of the reasons don’t really make sense, but here they are:
Some women have affairs for primarily sexual reasons:

1. her husband has lost interest in having sex with her;
2. she’s bored sexually and her husband isn’t adventurous enough;
3. her husband is a sexual bully and she’s found a man who is tender and loving;
4. her husband is too soft a lover and she’s found a ‘bad boy’;
5. she loves her husband but has lost interest in him sexually;
6. her husband doesn’t make her feel sexy and her lover does.

Some women have affairs for primarily emotional reasons:

1. she’s stressed and overwhelmed, and the affair is a bubble of peace;
2. her husband is critical and hurtful, and her lover is kind and loving;
3. her life is boring, and the affair makes it more stimulating;
4. her husband is distant, and her lover provides the intimacy she craves.

No doubt there are many more reasons - as many reasons as there are adulterous women!

What’s the common thread here? She’s unhappy. She’s either unhappy in her relationship, or she’s unhappy with her life and her relationship is not supporting her to address her unhappiness.

So, if you want to move on from an affair then you need to address the root cause of the unhappiness and turn that around. That will undoubtedly include personal issues, relationship issues and lifestyle issues. Without addressing those underlying causes, no matter how remorseful she might be, if the problem is still there, then there’s a risk she’ll do it again (or do something else damaging such as become an alcoholic or overeat.)

Of course, if the husband knows, you need to address his hurt. He has been betrayed and trust is gone. It can seem impossible to move on from that. But you can if the remorse is there and the underlying issues are addressed. An affair can even make you stronger as you become more self-aware, better able to communicate and better able to deal with difficult issues. When dealing with an affair it’s a double whammy of difficult issues - the deceit and the underlying cause.

There’s no one way of dealing with an affair, and you probably will never quite ‘understand’ it. Affairs are rarely cold and calculating, they are more likely irrational and emotional. Often in retrospect they look ridiculous, but at the time they make you feel better, and that is the attraction, the intoxication, of affairs.

How you deal with it will depend on you as individuals and as a couple. You need to be strong and committed, as it’s usually quite a process. You must be prepared to both be more honest and more vulnerable than you have ever been before. All the illusions are gone, it’s time to be real.

Once you get real though, positive change can occur, and you have the opportunity to create a truly great relationship.

I don’t really like using a cheesy romance as a basis for sex education, but hey, with all the fuss about 50 Shades The Movie, here I go.

But before I do, let’s clarify a few things:

1. It’s a story not a documentary.

2. Research has shown that people who engage in BDSM are more psychologically stable than the population as a whole.

3. The final scene would not happen in real life if he was as experienced as portrayed.

Now, to the content. Overall, just like the book, it’s Mills & Boon meets BDSM. It’s romance genre, it’s not meant to be taken seriously. Just as no-one takes Game of Thrones seriously - I’ve just watched all four series and have never been exposed to so much rape, carnage, violence, abuse, sadism, and general Machiavellian nastiness in my life. But hey, it’s good entertainment!

The movie, like the book, is about two people developing a relationship, interspersed with some soft porn scenes which are titillating, if mild sensual BDSM is part of your personal eroticism, bewildering or even disturbing if it’s not.

The difference between the movie and the book: in the book you turn the page after that awful scene where he seriously hurts her - and he’s completely horrified that she hadn’t used her safe word. In the movie it leaves you hanging having just viewed what looks suspiciously like domestic violence.

One of the essential requirements to expanding sexual play in any way is mutual responsibility. The more out there you go, the more important it is that you communicate with your partner about how you’re finding the experience, and your partner responds positively to that communication.

This is essentially what differentiates BDSM from domestic violence: mutual consent, equal participation, mutual responsibility.

She should have let him know it was too much for her.

Having said that, he should have realised that he was going too hard. That’s the most unrealistic part of the movie, an experienced dom like him would never be so unaware.

It’s like wearing a seatbelt when driving a car, you have a safe word when playing with BDSM. If you don’t, you might be fine most of the time, but if it goes bad it will be much worse without the seatbelt/safeword.

She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, and admittedly he was driving too fast. Neither were playing safe, and they both got hurt.

All sexual interaction, straight, kinky, whatever, is supposed to be about pleasure.

If it’s not pleasurable, don’t do it.

And if you do it, play safe.

Simple.

Grab a tie, or a stocking, and wrap it around your partner’s wrists. Then kiss them.

There you go, that’s bondage.

Although in fact you don’t even need an implement of restraint, you can just tell your partner not to move, and if they agree and don’t, then that’s bondage too!

Being restrained while making love, engaging in sexual play, can be one way to heighten sensation, arousal and erotic pleasure. And as with all elements of eroticism, your sexual taste, you can go as far as you like. Some people will be happy with draping a scarf loosely around their partner’s wrists, others will have hooks built into the wall with chains and cuffs attached. Enjoy it in any way you find mutually enjoyable.

Other slightly ‘scarier’ household items would include belts or plastic wrap. Then you can purchase rope, cable ties, chain from the hardware. Or go to an adult shop and buy coloured rope (it comes in all sorts of pretty colours), bondage tape (pvc tape that sticks to itself without adhesive), handcuffs (which also range from fluffy pink lambswool through to hard-core metal), or bondage cuffs (which also can be made from silk, feathers, velvet, suede, leather or metal).

Some people get into the art of bondage, or Shibari, to use the Japanese name. It really is an art form and takes years of practice to master. At the most basic level it’s simply a reef knot to bind the person, at it’s more complex there are all kinds of intricacies of rope work. It can be extremely beautiful and erotic.

Shibari is all about deep connection, sensuality, beauty and poetry.

For the person wielding the rope, it is used as a sensual item for their partner’s pleasure. In addition there is the satisfaction in the expression of their skill with the rope, and pleasure in the appreciation of the receiver giving up their control.

For the person being tied, there is a wonderful sense of being held and letting go, which leads to a state often called rope-drunk, sub-space, an altered state of consciousness, of bliss.

As I keep stressing, there is mutual responsibility here. Each person needs to communicate with the other how they’re going, and letting them know if it’s too much. The focus is always on mutual pleasure.

Then, what do you do once your partner is tied…? Well, whatever takes your fancy and they consent to! It could be pretty straightforward sex, it could be sensual play with feathers and food, it could be more hard-core playing with impact and pain. You can explore wherever your mutual curiosity and pleasure take you…

I did a great radio show on this topic with Hebari, who’s a master of the art of Shibari. You can listen to it here

He tied me up as we did the show (which apparently makes for amusing radio as the left side of my brain was switching off and speech was a challenge…). Here are some photos:

Have sex that is intimate - gentle, deep and tender:
Go ahead – stare into each others eyes while barely moving. Make love ever so slowly. Stroke every inch of your partner’s body. Whisper poetry in her ear. Visualise a bond of energy joining your hearts. Alternate four short strokes with one slow and long. Sigh and moan and quiver and shiver. Make blissful love!

Have sex that is erotic - wild, lusty and wicked:
Go ahead - bring out the handcuffs and tie yourselves up, tie yourselves down. Wear crotchless leather knickers and 10-inch stilettos. Talk dirty to each other. Drip candle wax on each other’s skin. Play slave and master. Take explicit photos of yourselves. Yell and groan and bite and growl. Let loose and fuck!

Have sex that is playful – exuberant, mischievous and outrageous:
Go ahead – dress up as a French maid and tickle him with your feather duster while he plays dead. Smear each other with strawberry jam and lick it off. Pour champagne over yourselves. Stop the car and have sex on the side of the road. Do it by an open window where you might be seen or heard. Be silly, giggle and fall down laughing. Have a good bonk!

And, of course, you can make love and fuck and bonk all in the same bout of love-making. It’s all possible. All of it.

A friend asked me recently what my Top Ten Tips for a vagina would be. “Good question!” I thought. So many women feel disconnected from their genitals, and don’t have a good feeling about them. We don’t even have a decent word for them, often using the word “vagina” to apply to the whole genital area. So here I use the word “vagina” to apply to just the vagina, and as to the whole of the genitals? Well, read on!

1. Honor It. The female genitals are the source of life. Other than a small input by the man at the start, the whole process of creating life takes place in the female genitals. That would have to be the most awesome thing in the entire universe!

2. Name It. For such an awesome area of the body, it’s incredible that we don’t have a decent name for the totality, other than “genitals”, which is a pretty ugly word. Even in casual talk there are not a lot of strong gorgeous names. We often refer to our “bits”, “down there”, “private parts” or “nether regions”. It’s hard to relate to an area of your body that you can’t even name! So, give it a name: it’s my fanny or my quim, my yoni, qualia, bajingo, honey-pot, cinnabar crevasse. Even my cunt, because originally the meaning of the word cunt was “to beguile a man with one’s feminine charms”, which is rather a wonderful concept.

3. Understand It. I think one of the reasons women don’t feel so good about their quim / farfalle / bajingo is because they don’t know how incredible it is. Women are built for extreme sexual pleasure! The anatomy, the physiology, the energetics. Once you understand that, and realise what your sexual potential is, then wow, you’re going to love it. Do you know how big your clitoris is? Most of it is on the inside! Do you know how much engorging material there is down there? How orgasms work? How you can go beyond normal orgasm to an orgasmic state? It’s all thanks to your amazing bajingo.

4. Incorporate It. It’s part of your body, so feel it as part of your body. Close your eyes and go over every part of it in your mind, both the inside and the outside. Explore it with your hands and fingers. Take a good look at it in the mirror. When you can recline in front of a mirror with legs wide apart and look and say to yourself “Mmm, that is gorgeous!”, then you’ll know it is part of you.

5. Pamper It. Our bodies love and deserve to be pampered. It’s so good for the soul. Your honeypot is part of your body and deserves that pampering too. So, if you’re in a hot bath, part your legs and allow the warmth to wash over it. If you’re in the ocean, part your legs and allow the salty sting of the water to caress it. When you apply creams to your body, slather yourself all over (no creams or oils on the inside though). When making love with your partner, request / invite / allow it to be touched / massaged / embraced.

6. Pleasure It. Our genitals are made for pleasure. The clitoris has no purpose at all, other than to provide exquisite pleasure. In fact, it is the ONLY organ in the human body designed solely for pleasure! The mass of nerves, engorging material, lubricating, and wetting functions, all conspire to show that our fannies are designed for pleasure. So do so. With another or on your own. Particularly on your own. The womanly art of self-pleasuring is so important to self-loving and self-honouring.

7. Listen to It. This is particularly in relation to having sex. One of the biggest problems I’ve noticed with people’s sex lives is that they move too fast. You must listen to your body and in particular to your quim to know when you’re ready to move on. So, you don’t start to kiss until your mouth is drawn to your partner’s. You don’t allow your breasts to be touched until you feel them lifting and moving towards your partner, wanting to be touched. You don’t allow your qualia to be touched until you feel your hips rising and your legs opening. And you don’t allow your partner to enter you until you feel your cinnabar crevasse yearning for his jade stalk, your yoni invites in his lingam, your cunt is dripping with desire for his cock.

If you’re not really feeling it, don’t go there!

Now some tips on keeping it in good shape:

8. Squeeze It. There’s a band of muscles that goes from your pubic bone to your tailbone and between your sit-bones. It’s important to keep them toned as they do some very important things. Firstly, they hold all your internal organs in place. If you don’t keep those muscles toned, your vagina might fall out when you get old. I kid you not, vaginal prolapse can happen to older women. Secondly, the contraction of these muscles is an important part of orgasm. The more toned the muscles, the better the orgasm. So, ladies – squeeze! And squeeze some more! Imagine you’re stopping urine from flowing; those are the muscles to use. Squeeze rhythmically, then squeeze and hold a few seconds, then squeeze progressively tighter, keeping your abdominal muscles relaxed. And make sure you relax and release between each squeeze.

9. Rest It. Rest is such an important part of health and wellbeing. It applies to your vagina too. It’s good to give it a rest. Particularly during your period. In many traditional cultures women would take time out during their period to relax and rest, often with other women. This is not, as many anthropologists have interpreted it, because the women were considered “unclean” at that time, but because it was a sacred time for a woman to go within. We modern women would benefit from doing the same. Take it easy during your period, especially the heavier days. Avoid exerting yourself, be peaceful, and avoid genital stimulation, especially intercourse. Get into the rhythm of your cycle, be aware of the ebbs and flows of your energy and work with those flows, rather than ignoring them or fighting them.

10. Let it flow. Finally, on the topic of menstruation, let it flow. I do believe modern women try to hide to ignore and hide their cycles excessively. Tampons have their place, but if you let the blood flow, you’ll get more in touch with your body. So, rest and let the blood flow during your period, and you’ll find more energy and more intuitive flow in the rest of your life.

To discover more about relaxing your vagina, and celebrating your female sexuality, enrol in my online women's course!

Or if you live in Australia, come along to my gorgeous women's weekend workshops!

A professional ballroom and Latin dancer told me this the other day. I was curious as to how the man, who is leading the dance, could instruct the woman, who is following, how to do all the fancy bits.

The dancer explained that the man is simply leading the direction and major movements, the woman then embellishes.

I thought this was quite fascinating, and also made dancing seem less sexist, less as though the man led it all and the woman was a passive accomplice. In fact, the embellishing is as important as the main moves (not to mention the fact that, as Ginger Rogers once pointed out, she did the same as Fred Astaire, but backwards in high heels!) And to be able to embellish, you need to be really connected.

It also made me think of sex. In heterosexual sex, the man might lead more than the woman, but that doesn’t mean the woman is a passive recipient. Just as in dancing, she needs to be totally connected to him so that it all flows and she can embellish. She’s no more a passive recipient than if a male dancer was dancing with a rag doll. Oh no, for the dance to be good, passionate, pleasurable, there must be a strong connection between them, a flow, a melding into each other. He might be leading, but her following is equal in power and energy. That’s where the dynamism comes from, that’s where the passion is. There is unity and magnetic flow.

In the sexual act, she can move her legs, use her hands, adjust her hips. As they move from position to position, it’s up to her to move smoothly with direction rather than be awkward and clumsy. The more she can let go to the following, the more elegant and flowing the engagement becomes. This is a skill, and a very important one.

Of course, the same implies when the woman is leading, there is no pleasure in playing with a passive partner, whatever your gender. You need your partner’s focus and energy. Even if he or she is completely letting go and you’re the one doing all the leading, your partner is still connected, still responding to and flowing with your lead.

The dynamism of the flow from leading to following, giving and receiving, and the requisite connection and flow between the lovers is what makes sex passionate, pleasurable and profound.


Learn more about leading and following by attending my Bali Couples Retreat - or take up Tango!

‘Tis indeed the season of kindness and giving, as shown by the heartfelt response to the tragedy of a gunman in Sydney holding hostages, resulting in three deaths. Rather than responding with anger and hatred against people who share his religion, Australians are opening their hearts and embracing acceptance and openness. It shows a high capacity for love to be able to respond in this way.

My work is so much about opening our hearts and the change this brings to individuals and through them to the world. This means overcoming fear and prejudice and limitations, about not putting things in boxes, not having an either/or, right/wrong approach to the world.

And yes, my work focuses on sexuality, one area where there is still so much judgement and limitation, categorization of good and bad, and where there is still so much fear. When we are blocked around sexuality it is very hard to open up fully to love.

And beyond even that, unblocking sexual energy leads to greater love, as the power of sexual energy - its passion, pleasure and potential - becomes a powerhouse to drive the love energy. Sexual energy is the foundation of life. Focused passion is a driving creative force. The power of pleasure is freeing and liberating and creates loving openness and flow within and between people.

I am blessed to see this unblocking and freeing occur every day in the people I work with. Individuals and couples come to me with personal or relational hopes and concerns around sex love and intimacy. Seeing them letting go of blocks, increasing awareness, coming to understanding, releasing and freeing themselves, is a beautiful thing to witness and be part of.

As 2014 comes to an end and I look towards the next year I’m ever more committed to continue this work, which is essentially about raising the vibration of humanity and increasing love energy, through what I believe is probably the last bastion of blockage to conscious awareness and spiritual growth - our sexuality.

To those who have been part of the journey in 2014, thank-you for your trust in me to help and guide you. It has also been an extraordinary year for me personally in terms of my own growth and I acknowledge the importance of all of you in the two-way exchange of our mutual development.

Wishing you a safe, merry and lusciously loving festive season!

Sensual, tantric play heightens pleasure and so can kinky play. Put the two together and you go places - to Sub-Space and Dom-Space.

Playing with dominance and submission is about playing with the yin and yang of sexuality. When done with extreme connection and respect it is a beautiful experience.

Many people have concerns about dominance and submission because it harks back to the bad old days when women had no choice but to be submissive to men, in all areas of life. As I’ve explained in my previous blog articles (see A History of Sexual Misinformation), the imbalance between the masculine and feminine in society led to a servile feminine sexuality serving an overly dominant masculine sexuality. True Dominant-Submissive play requires a meeting of equals, there’s no servility required (at least, not on the Sub’s part, you could argue that in fact it’s the Dom(me) who is serving the Sub).

What we’re really talking about is ‘command’ and ‘receptivity’. It is not gender-related, a woman can be a Domme as much as a man can be a Dom, and plenty of people are Switches, that is, they like to take both roles. Although most people will have an erotic preference, that is, one role will be more erotically moving for them, and enable them to have a deeper, more satisfying experience than the other. In my case for example, while I love to give my partner beautiful sensual experiences in the dominant role, it doesn’t move me or take me places anywhere near the depth that being in the submissive role does; and for him it’s the opposite.

When a Dom(me) can ‘hold the space’ for the Sub, the Sub can completely let go, and in letting go can enter Sub-Space, a divinely blissful state. In seeing and feeling their partner go to such a beautiful place, knowing they’ve opened and surrendered to them, the Dom(me) goes into Dom-Space, feeling desired and powerful and able to surrender to themselves, freeing them to pleasure themselves with their Sub.

The skill here is for the Dom(me) to be able to hold the space. This requires a deep, deep stillness and calmness. It’s as though the Dom(me) becomes a deep tranquil pool in which the Sub can bathe themselves. Any worry, anxiety, arrogance, or disrespect on the Dom(me)’s part will bring the Sub out of that space, as will too much speed.

The skill for the Sub, assuming the Dom(me) is being as just described, is to let go. This requires an ability to get out of their head and fully feel into the experience. The relating has a sense of ritual to it. It is meditative. It is like a dance.

To enter that space the Dom(me) and Sub need to agree on the nature of the interaction, the boundaries, and have ways of indicating if either of them need to stop or lessen intensity (through safe words and safe signals). For this level of trust, the conversation beforehand is essential.

The greater the bond between the two, the further they can go in their explorations, using elements of restraint, pleasure/pain, teasing and command.

Sensual Kink can be a wonderful place to explore. It's not for everybody, you may not be sure it’s for you or your partner. But hey, it might be, and wouldn’t it open up a whole range of possibilities? Start with a blindfold and some strawberries at the most basic level, and see where your explorations take you…